I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
