I'm so fucking centered right now
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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