I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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