he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
