I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
