okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
