At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
