Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
