Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
