shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
