Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
