ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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