omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
