Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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