Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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