yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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