He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
