Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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