I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
