So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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