I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
