I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
