I think I won the penis lottery.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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