dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
