I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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