His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
