I'm lost and stupid without you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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