I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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