If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
