Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
