No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
