I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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