Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
