im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
