Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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