True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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