what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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