There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
