angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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