White coat. Heels.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i think i just lost a toe
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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