I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
