I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
