I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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