Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
