we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
