i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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