im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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