Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
