just come out here and I will go home with you...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
