I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
