Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize