Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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