i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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