I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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