glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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