I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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