Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
