I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
