I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize