I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
