i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
