There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize