wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
