12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
