Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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