My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
