True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
whose parrot is this?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
