this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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