It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
