Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Panties = found
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
