Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
