youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
