just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
