Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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