guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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